There are too many people out there who think that no one cares or understands. It bothers me. It really bothers me. It's not a simple little bug in my ear that you kill it's the tattoo on my wrist that never flies away. That bumblebee flies everywhere with me, reminding me I went through 5 years of hell and made it.
I pushed people away to the point of no return.
I self-injured for 4 years.
I tried to take my life more than once.
All the while I thought no one was there for me. I had believe in God and all that he was, but I didn't understand why if he loved me then how he could do that to me. How could he allow me to be so depressed and misunderstood?
Right now I am trying to keep my cool as I try getting organizations to support me and spread my word. I want to be the person who tries with everything they are to make a difference. I wish it was something simple, but I also don't. If this wasn't hard then how on earth could I think it would help? I dig into who I am and reveal the most painful, saddest, hard, and emotional moments I have went through. God help me.
I noticed you said you didn't understand why God was letting you feel so depressed? How do you feel about that now? How do you deal with that? Everyone says that once you have a personal relationship with Jesus you have this joy. I don't experience that. Is it just a lie?
ReplyDeleteAt the time I didn't understand and looking now I do. God does not like it when His children are sad, God is not the one who lets us suffer. It's Satan. It is not a lie, when people go through things that are hard and difficult we blame something we know. Mostly God. I learned through all my hardships that God never left me. He was sitting there with me and was just waiting for me to turn to him. Jesus brings us joy and strength when we are ready. The bible says He will never give us something we cannot handle. Feel free to email me if you want to talk more. I'd be happy to talk with you(:
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